"With greater power, come greater responsiblity"

I am facing just that. Not I gotten any super powers or what. Just that I got the power of being a dad. Its really a heavy responsibility and something not easily justified in days or months. It simplies time. Something with no definate defination.

Like any kids, despite being the age i am now, when theres a distraction, i do not think bout him for that short while, but entering my home, dead silence follows and you just cant imagine how someone so close to you is not there anymore. Harsh Reality.

Well, I guess that it is right , that there are people out there who just make casual remarks and do nothing bout it. Maybe I am just over-sensitive , moody too. Maybe I just feel neglected. Over realiance on people, on things. Or maybe I aint someone who people remembers.
Jelousy + Over Sensitive + Stress = Poison?

I dunno .. life's in a mess, don't feel like doing about it. Am I falling soon ? ..

Reflection Journal. Something all too familier for RP student like myself. But back in the primary and secondary days, it was something for you to write about and let your teacher be updated with your personal life.

Tears filled my eyes as I read my brothers RJ. Mind you he's only 9 years old. But what you read now , will make you think differently.

Brothers RJ :
"Last week, my dad died. So I had to attend a lot of things such as funeral and go through some pain. I am also sad which I think I will forget it after a long time. But I am quite happy today 18/09/05. Since the exams are coming I will try to get high marks. And one thing may I request something Mr Chong. Can you help photocopy my test result ( the one you put in the report book ) So I can burn them for my father to see . Thank You "

Teachers Reply:
"I'll try and meet you request. Want to let you know life is like that and I guess all of us will have to go through it. Some prehaps earlier than others. I'm so proud you have been coping well . Don't feel sad . Be strong and work hard for your SA 2. I'm sure your dad wil lbe proud of you too. "

Brothers Replying RJ :
" Thanks for encouraging me on last weeks Journal. The moment I read it, it reminds me of the happy memories me and my dad spent. I think you were right life is just liek that. Nothing can be helped, just like the naughty boys in our class and I can't help them too. Because if you try to change them, things will get worst. So you should let them change by themselves then maybe they will really turn over a new leaf. And you don't need worry about my financial problems. Because my relatives are helping . "

This is the full excerpt from my brother's RJ . For someone of his age. It simply shows maturity . Can't help to tear again .

Got a lil sense of achivement. Got certain things done recently. Giro forms etc. Now left with clearing most of the home bulky stuff . Got to clear fast ! Schools opening soon.

Before I slept yesterday night, this praying mantis caught my attention . After a few shots of bad shots, managed to get a nice picture of it. lol

Been doing mini-blogging lately cause I just can't seem to write much. Anyways today's a simple day. Woke up, got myself a hair cut. One would wonder, trimming your hair to thinner length compared to getting it short and neat, which is actually a haircut?
Later cousin coming over to cook dinner. Hmm.. Looking Forward ? HaHa , guess so =)

temperature is really boiling within myself. i am really at this peak level of stress that it seems when i find something i cant take it, i just got to vent it on someone.

"hey i am really sorry that i used those words on u to scold that guy. i been very moody this few days. hope u dont take it to heart. it just pissed me off suddenly and i got carried away."

schools opening in about a week and half times and things need to be get done fast. got so many things to handle yet not feeling like doing so. Just feel like getting away from this place for a few days and do some soul searching.

When is the time considered riped and whens the time considered ready ?. I cant bear myself to tell her now , but its also cheating myself for keeping all within me. Its so unbearable that I cant even tell her that I like her.
Family, Studies , Love . Thats my order of living.

2 more days and its the official 2 weeks death annivesary of my dad. Well, I guess I have been thinking all the time about him ? Just can't drop that feeling.

I been thinking all this while, is it all worth while to go dating a girl now ? I am turning 19 year old soon and yet the time seems to have moved a lot faster than I expected. Everything seems to move so fast, so sudden.

danm !! its now 3 mins to 9 am. And I am already awoke and blogging. Darn Tired.
Bring my brother to school and just cant get back to sleep. Oh wells, I'll try later.
Ciaoz

Woke up not long ago. Had some weird dreams recently, seeing people of my secondary school days, people whom i known personally, and people I don't. Life is so funny that even you do not know the person, he/she somehow ends up in a certain part of your life. Well I got bored and decided to do some quiz people posted on their blog.

Your Birthdate: September 28

Your birth on the 28th day of the month (1 energy) adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your Life Path. The number 1 energy suggest more executive ability and leadership qualities than you path may have indicated. A birthday on the 28th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach. Unlike much of the other 1 energy, this birthday is one that endow with the ability to start a job and continue on until it is finished. You may prefer to use the broad brush, but you can handle details as well. You are sensitive, but your feeling stay somewhat repressed. You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations.

Single, a word to define someone who is not in a relationship.
Thats me.
Over the years, I found myself getting out of sorts mood swings. I don't know what is happening to the chemical reaction in my body. Its been either I am always being hyper active and acting out of sorts or just go quiet for the whole day.

Recently on newspaper, was Zidane ( French Soccer Star ) that he hear voices in his head @ the middle of the night asking him to replay in the international scene. I too hear the voices, but definatly not asking me to replay, but more of hearing people crticising me. I would always forsee me being talked about by someone and its not always good .

" i found myself falling in love with you; its sudden , its unexpected. " yy......

Today marks the 1st week that has past since my last post, and also, the 1st week of my dad death.
I try to tell myself to smile more, be strong, but always behind this false fronts, I just cant stop thinking of my dad now and then. Suddenly, I am missing his presence, his physical form. His snorings usually made the house 'lively' and made it look alive. But now, theres just a dead sense of presence in the house, one person missing, one person gone.
When he was alive, the house was always arranged and commanded by him, theres always someone whom I can rely on strongly.Someone I can look up to when I grow older, someone who can tell my kids next time about stories of his hay day. But now, its just not possible. It seems deja vu but my grandpa died around this age too and too he didnt live to tell the story. But he was different, I heard he wasnt a good person, neither a good dad.
But my dad ? He's a good man, always putting others in front of himself. Why does his live was so short live.
I cant seem to think whether I am now missing my dad truely or just missing the reliance I had on him over the years but one thing is for sure, its too sudden that I lost a father, someone who bought me up for 19 years.
Life has been short and fragile for all, so be it in terms of your loved ones or your parents whom raised you, the scoldings and praise for you over the years wasnt there just for fun neither was it there to make you hate them, it was there to tell you they do care about you and they care for what you do.
So before you go ranting around that; " hey my folks at home suck, they controls everything"
think bout the times they took to raise you, the time it took you to walk and talk and have a sense of mind.

I was never succesful in telling my loved ones that I do really love them. It was this "pride" thing that denies from telling "I love you" Be it in telling my dad, it was always through the kiss on cheek or the chats we have over dinners that we catch up when i started grew old.
In terms of girls, I never took the chance well everytime, thinking I wasnt up to their standards and thus keep delaying on telling them that I liked them and would like them to be my partner.
This things has been kept within myself for so long and just cant seem to understand why things has to be pulled back everytime I tried to say something from my heart. Maybe it wasn't, it was just a rush for something, a rush for new thrills.

I'll just end here, and I'll say if I could I exchange anything now for a chance to see my dad just once more, I'll do so. Cause its easy to love someone and never easy to cope when you lose them. Because life is short and time will not stop to let you regret and ponder on slowly. You got to get through it fast and get through the time before somethings regretful catches up and you live to regret it forever. =)

"life is short, life is beautiful , but when a life ends, its never easy to cope " yong yeow....

traumatic week .. traumatic times .. .

just to say . .tell your loved ones .. how much you love them .. before its too late..
cause life is short , unpredictable and fate decides most of it

so many things for me to answer , its easy
but when comes to matters of the heart.. i need someone to open up.

.. i just pray that my dad wakes up soon ..